Session 2 Healing from Unhealthy Boundaries

Your Host: Shyra DeJuan (ShyTheHealer)

Healing from unhealthy boundaries, shift your mindset using the power of peace by setting healthy boundaries. 

If you’re like me and you struggle with setting boundaries with people you love, share this podcast and listen together or start the conversation as a question… “What's your view on healthy boundaries?”

There is always a stage of healing that hurts. When you set a boundary with someone extremely close to you, it will be painful for as long as they fight against the boundary being set. They may stop talking to you for a while, the relationship may shift. But if this person genuinely values having you in their life, they will respect the boundary and embrace the new healthier relationship. You must grow! No more enabling, no more guilt remorse, no more resentment from giving in to the boundary violations! 

In this episode you will elevate your mind and be open to understanding boundary violations, setting boundaries and healing from the aftermath of setting those boundaries. We are champions! We heal together! We win together! 

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Quotes from the book by Bestselling Author and Relationship Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab- "Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself"
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Transcript

0:04

All smiles champions. Welcome to mine. Elevation health and wealth. My name is Dhawan. I'm an emotional healer, educator and entrepreneur. Each week, we will dig deep into emotionally healing, all aspects of your life to increase your ability to create prosperity mind, elevation health and wealth allows you to elevate and shift into a growth mindset. Share each moment with me, I'm giving you permission to fulfill all of the unique desires of your heart judgment free shame-free guilt-free elements to heal your mind and body as you listen and consume the words of the session with no fear. Fear of loss champions if we heal together we'll be real together Embrace unconditional love and keep listening healing is health health is wealth you are here on purpose Session to healing from unhealthy boundaries. Listen and listen well, champions, whether you get peace from God, peace from the universe or peace within itself. Lacking in setting healthy boundaries, disturbs your peace. Some of you may not even know. You have a close relationship with someone you love and they constantly overstep or violate your boundaries, but because it's always been normal to you, you've allowed these boundaries to be crossed. Even when you secretly get upset. You shamefully hold resentment or seek advice from everyone else to verify if your feelings are valid. For example. An extremely close family member violates. You physically dictates your friendships, monopolizes your time and makes you feel guilty. If you don't agree with their views on a topic, but since this person holds a top role in your life. You will allow them to keep violating you, sacrificing your time, energy feelings and mental health. If you're wondering how healing from unhealthy boundaries creates wealth. Remember that we are healing from negative generational behaviors. You will have the power to mend broken relationship with your family members. You will have the power to give birth parent and raise emotionally healthy children. You are embracing the power to heal your future grandchildren, preventing them from toxicity, trauma, and unhealthy relationships. Most prison inmates chose a life of crime because they have untreated. Mental health issues or unhealthy relationships with loved ones, absent mothers. Absent fathers feeling misunderstood and unheard. At some point, their boundaries may have been violated by someone they loved and they projected by negative behavior, not knowing how to properly heal and cope. If we are wanting to create generational health and wealth for our future, the healing starts with us. We must teach and start practicing new, healthy generational behaviors, mind elevation, and mindset shifts for our future children for our future grandchildren, so that we can create generational wealth. And keep it. I'm going to quickly discuss four major common boundary violations. Boundary violation. Number one. Emotional boundaries. Don't allow others to dismiss or criticize your feelings. If you tell someone they hurt your feelings and the response is I hurt your feelings. You just being too sensitive. They've violated your emotional boundary. Your feelings and emotions are valid and you must remind them of this. Don't allow others to emotionally dump their drama and problems on you without your permission. You can politely say, Hey, I'm sorry, you're going through a lot, but you may want to share your problems with someone that's trained to help you process your emotions. I'm not able to help you with that at this time. Don't allow others to shame guilt, blame, or make demands of you. No one has the right to make you feel ashamed or guilty for not doing something you don't feel comfortable doing. Not even your toxic parents. Okay. Boundary violation. Number two. Mental boundaries. Don't allow others to be little, your thoughts, ideas. Or communicate disrespectful to you. Your thoughts and ideas are just as creative as anyone else's mentally allowing someone else to dictate your life goals and your aspirations. If you know what your life goals are, don't change your aspirations because someone makes the comment. Well, that don't make sense. You should do this. Don't give people unsolicited advice. If your close friend is sharing their relationship issues and they just want you to listen. I don't give them unsolicited advice. Listen. After they finish ask them, do you want my advice or do you just want someone to listen to you? Boundary violation. Number three. Physical boundaries. Don't allow others to inappropriately touch you and don't allow unwanted touch. If you're not a hugger politely say. I'm more comfortable with fist bumps. I'm not a hugger. Don't allow others to borrow your physical possessions without asking. Don't allow people to use money to manipulate and control. You don't allow others to always regularly make you late to events. Show up late. Or cancel on you last minute. These are all violations of your physical energy and time. Boundary violation. Number four. Spiritual boundaries. Do what you think is morally right? Trust your own spirituality and ethics. Don't allow others to force their views on you. Everyone's ethics and morals are not aligned. Be careful. Don't go against your own personal values to please someone else, especially when you're trying to find love. Don't change your beliefs because you want to fall for someone that has different beliefs, don't allow others to force unsolicited, conspiracy theory, materials, violent videos, inappropriate content, or sad news articles. Learn how to protect your energy and your spiritual beliefs. Hey, you. Champion for life changes. Be open to set healthy boundaries in new romantic relationships by expressing your values and expectations upfront with your partner or during a first date. If you don't know what you value, you are not ready for a relationship. Oops. Don't get mad at me, but I'm going to repeat this. If you don't know your values or your worth. You are not ready for a romantic relationship. This should be part of yourself. Love journey. I hope you out just a little, but I'll be sharing details about understanding values and self-worth and romantic relationships in a different episode. So stay tuned every Sunday. Here are some quick tips to get you started. Before starting and setting boundaries in a romantic relationship. No. Your financial values, your intellectual values, your physical values, your emotional values and your special values. Also know how to embrace and steer your love language. Start there. On that first, before going into relationship. Okay. Be open to set healthy boundaries with your parents. The power of parents. Oh boy. Do we have the ability to manipulate and guilt trip? Our young children and our adult children. Parents have the right to violate boundaries. Wrong. This is what toxic parents sounds like. Because I'm your mama because I'm your daddy. That power or the popular, because I said so, or if you don't do it, don't ask me for anything else. Or. I have taken care of you your whole life and you act like you can't do nothing for me. If you're not a parent. You've probably use the, because I'm your big sister, big brother. I'm your cousin. I'm your favorite auntie? I'm your best friend power. These are all forms of abuse of power and violating boundaries. Those of you that are thinking ain't no way I can set a boundary with my mama, my daddy, my siblings, or my family members. Trust me. I used to have the same fear, but when you elevate your mind, you no longer operate in fear. You operate in healing mode and a growth mindset. So it is very possible. Setting healthy boundaries may sound like this. This is what it sounds like. I respect that you disagree with my opinion. But please don't force your opinion on me. Or. I don't find comments like that. Funny. Or. I'm not comfortable with discussing that. Please don't discuss that topic with me. Or I can no longer allow you to use what I did in the past against me now. Or. I appreciate all that you have and will do for me, but I can't allow you to use that to manipulate me. Or. I will end this phone call. If you continue to yell at me. Or. Thank you for the offer. Unfortunately, I can't make it to your event. Or. I don't respond to work messages after 6:00 PM or on the weekends. Or. I'm not comfortable with that. If you do it again. I will leave. Or. I'm now old enough to make my own decisions. Please respect my wishes. Or. Please don't yell when we disagree. Can we talk through this in a calm manner or let's take a break and finish when we both call down. Okay. That's what healthy boundaries sound like after you set the boundary, stick to it and be consistent. Don't let them fall back and get you back into where you were. Stay consistent. Be serious about the boundary that you've set. Let's address the growing pains. Okay. When you grow a force, respect and change in your current unhealthy relationships, there will be paying one of the most self-supporting things we can do in this life is embrace the growing pains. Trust me, when I say this will become a beneficial skill. Remaining calm and faithful during painful life experiences. Grow through what you go through champions. Grow through what you go through champions. That means embrace the pain. Yes. There are things we are afraid to do because we're operating in fear. You have to understand once you get through the pain, it all gets better. There's always that stage of healing that hurts when you set a boundary with someone extremely close to you, it will be painful for as long as they fight against the boundary being set. They may stop talking to you for awhile. The relationship may shift for awhile, but if the person genuinely values having you in their life, they will respect the boundary and embrace the new healthier relationship. You must grow no more enabling, no more guilt. Remote Morse, no more resentment from giving into the boundary violators. It's kind of like the beauty, Hertz type thingy, like setting the boundary with your loved one will hurt. But after the boundaries are set and both parties are respecting them, the relationship will be beautiful, healthy, and will flourish for years. Young men. It's okay to admit that your mother has used her power over you. Young women. It's okay to admit that your father has used his power over you. Significant others. It's okay to admit you have allowed your lover to use their power over you. Everyone it's okay to admit and accept that the people that are supposed to love you the most may be the number one cause of your trauma and emotional stress. They also are the ones that most likely violate your boundaries. Let's be real together so we can heal together. Dear boundary violators. I'm not trying to take away your power. I'm just trying to show you that abusing your power is causing unhealthy relationships with your child, your children, your family members, your coworkers, your business partners, your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your lover your life partner be mindful. Of healthy boundaries in all aspects of your life. If you're like me and you struggle with setting boundaries with people you love. Share this podcast and listen together and start the conversation as a question. Hey. What's your view on healthy boundaries? Recently at my Tinder older age. I've missed setting, healthy boundaries in my life and I'm reaping the benefits of it. So please, don't be afraid to join me. Setting a boundary if done correctly will not separate you, but it'll actually bring your relationship closer. If you don't trust me, maybe you'll trust a licensed therapist and relationship expert. The author nidra Glover to Wobbe in her book, set boundaries, find peace. She writes these words of truth. People don't come to therapy, knowing they have boundary issues. When they walk in the door, boundary issues are disguised as issues with self care conflicts with other people trouble with time management or concerns about how social media impacts their emotional state. Once they finished their tales of resentment on happiness, feeling overwhelmed and codependency. I say to them gently. You have an issue with boundaries with that? We began to work on uncovering boundary violations, learning to communicate boundaries to others and dealing with the aftermath of setting boundaries. Yes, there's aftermath. When dealing with the discomfort and guilt that come from asserting yourself. I just read the introduction of nature. Gover knee-jerk Glover to WAPs book, set boundaries, find peace, go get your copy. It's a life-changing book. You are now a champion for healing and change for quick recaps of clarification and understanding. Listen and listen. Well, champions recap one. No one, understand what boundary violations look like and sound like, be prepared to set your respectable boundaries. With starting new relationships and with your loved ones, your emotions and feelings are valid. Your mental stability should be protected. Your personal space and privacy should not be invaded. Your spiritual, ethical and moral beliefs are yours. Be open to grow, but don't allow others to pressure you into a behavior or belief you are not comfortable with. You also don't have to discuss topics. You don't feel comfortable discussing. Recap to acknowledge that you may have violated someone's boundary at some point in your life by abusing your power. As a mother, father, child, best friend, significant other supervisor, business partner, or family member reflect over a boundary. You may have unknowingly crossed. And work on ways to prevent violating the boundary in the future. You can even start by apologizing for violating a boundary with someone you love and start the process of respecting each other's boundaries going forward. Recap three. Except the pain that comes with setting boundaries with the people you love, you have allowed it to happen for so long that you're afraid to address it and start the process. We discussed what healthy boundary sound like now, practicing the phrase out loud. Let go of the fear of setting the boundary and prepare to embrace the pain from the aftermath of setting the boundary, understanding that when both parties are in agreement of respecting the boundary, the relationships will flourish grow closer and healthier than before. It's a beautiful feeling champs. Recap for shift your mindset to a place of peace, respect, and emotional stability setting. Healthy boundary means letting go of the trauma bonds that were created from the unhealthy boundaries. You can let go of feeling overwhelmed, the resentment, guilt, and the unhappiness release, the discomfort and your personal and work life. Step into a mindset of freedom, joy, and peace. It is so worth it. All right in closing. Elevate your mind. Be open to health and wealth. Trust the healing process, sometimes healing hurts, but when completely healed you become a stronger. Wiser and amazing human. That was heavy. Let's relax and breathe. Breathe in love. Breathe out. Love. Breathe in peace. Breathe out peace. Breathe in love. Share love. Now, share this podcast to help someone you love heal from Unhealthy boundaries. we are champions. We win together. Let's continue to connect. I've done all the talking, but don't forget. I'm also a great listener. So after listening to this session, you can release, respond, reflect, or open up and acknowledge your struggles. Let's start the healing process together. Record your voice. Or record a video and D M at to my Instagram at shy, the healer that's shy. S H Y T H E healer, H E a L E R. All one word. I will try to respond to all voice recordings and videos only, but if you want to write something. Write a review our comment and share this podcast. Champions you can support by clicking my donate and support link in my podcast notes. Until then see you next. Self-care Sunday.