Session 3 Healing from Negative Generational Cycles

Your Host: Shyra DeJuan (ShyTheHealer)

Healing from negative generational cycles and behaviors.  Shift your mindset using the power of becoming a cycle breaker. Start by acknowledging your family truths and avoid denial of the dysfunction. Forgive yourself for being a victim of your negative generational cycle, forgive your parents and grandparents, they were also unaware of the negative behavior, they simply did the best they could with what they learned. Be open and willing to get professional help with your addictions, or mental health or eating habits! Make a list of all the positive benefits from overall mental health, physical health, emotional health and financial stability by taking the initiative and breaking the cycle. Verbally express and have open conversations with your family members about why it will be healthier for your family to end the cycle. You are a cycle breaker!

In this episode you will elevate your mind and be open to understanding how to heal and break negative generational cycles, We are champions! We heal together! We win together! 

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Quotes from the book by Bestselling author Bell Hooks : Salvation Black People and Love
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Transcript

0:04

All smiles champions. Welcome to mine. Elevation health and wealth. My name is Dhawan. I'm an emotional healer, educator and entrepreneur. Each week, we will dig deep into emotionally healing, all aspects of your life to increase your ability to create prosperity mind, elevation health and wealth allows you to elevate and shift into a growth mindset. Share each moment with me, I'm giving you permission to fulfill all of the unique desires of your heart judgment free shame-free guilt-free elements to heal your mind and body as you listen and consume the words of the session with no fear. Fear of loss champions if we heal together we'll be real together Embrace unconditional love and keep listening healing is health health is wealth you are here on purpose Session three. Healing from generational behaviors. whether you get peace from God. Piece from the universe or peace with himself. Become a generational cycle breaker. And enjoy emotional stability and liberation. You are now self aware of all the family drama and mess. You don't have to wait until a family functioned to know that you're emotionally affected by your family's dysfunction. You already know who's toxic. Who has addictions. You know, who is abusive? Who the fighter is who don't pay bills. Poor always broke. You know who the family thief is, you know, who's most likely to catch a case. You don't hold lies about everything. You know who the creepy uncle is, the unstable artsy. You know, has a mental illness, but refuses to get help. You know, who ran away from the family and only comes back for funerals. You know, who abandoned their children or have children in foster care. You know, who lives a secret life? You know, the matriarch. That keeps bad family secrets enables the negative behavior. Being in denial of all the mess. It's time to let go of the fear of facing family truths. If something negative runs in your family, it's time for the negativity to run out. It's time for you to be the peacemaker and cycle breaker. And rewrite your family legacy. Negative generational cycles in with you. Although there are many different forms of unhealthy generational cycles that may need to be broken. I'm going to quickly discuss four major common generational cycles and behaviors. Negative generational cycle. Number one. Financial instability and poverty. As a mentor to young adults, I always give this advice. I tell them, make a promise to your unborn child. Promise your future child, that you will not bring them into this world in poverty. You will not bring them here until you've already started your career, purchased your home and have their nursery already decorated and ready. Teen pregnancy can be directly related to poverty. Most people of color, the United States were born into poverty due to oppression from slavery and being forced to do free labor while building the. The U S economy for the rich. Went free slaves began to build their own wealth and communities in the late 1860s. Those empower would destroy the communities with massacres bombings lootings shooting. Killing the whole black communities. If you want to further your research, here's a list of thriving, black us communities that were actually destroyed by supremacists with the help of the us government. There was Tulsa, Oklahoma. Historically known as black wall street masker. So it was Colfax, Louisiana massacre, Wilmington, North Carolina, masker and insurrection. Elaine Arkansas massacre, Rosewood, Florida massacre. Then there was the destruction of Freedmen's town, Texas and Houston. Right after they were free from Galveston. There were other small towns where land was stolen and businesses shut down by the supremacist. Rest empower and peace to the families that lost their financial stability and wealth. Due to the hate crimes and the massacres. To this day, those families still have not received reparations from the United States government. We must have knowledge of our history to navigate a successful future without fear. Although many of us were not born into wealth. That does not mean we cannot create generational wealth for our future. We must create a healthy relationship with money by becoming financially literate. Elevate your mind create wealth. I will be posting a podcast title, creating a healthy relationship with money. So stay tuned and listen every self care Sunday to my podcast. Cycle breakers. In the generational cycle of poverty. Living paycheck to paycheck is not acceptable behavior refusing to save and pay your savings account. First is not acceptable behavior. The phrase. I don't make enough money to save. Should not be afraid you use. If you have a job within com. Now. I will pay my savings account. First is an acceptable mindset. Start speaking, acceptable phrases. Getting evicted. For not paying rent or house hopping with relatives. Is not acceptable behavior. However, if you are living with family or friends, while you save your money to purchase a home, That is totally acceptable it should happen more often to assist in creating generational wealth. Like we can help each other out like that. Um, so parents, if you have adult children living with you, It's fine for them to be living with you as long as they have a strict budget. And saving money for their future investment or property. It's not okay. If they're living with you. And they cannot show you their monthly savings. Everyone needs to have a budget and a savings account. Your budget should be adjusting each time. There's a major financial change. Start the new generational behavior of creating a budget. Saving 20% or more of your income first. And not allowing anyone to live with you. If they cannot show proof of monthly savings. If you have young children start them out really young. Give them an allowance for the worst. They do sit with them and create a budget based on their allowance. Make them save a portion of their allowance by letting them create and make. A savings goal for the whole year. Most importantly, you need to model the behavior. If you have already raised your children. Start. This with your grandchildren. Oh, the joys of a mindset shift. If you're a young adult and you have your first job and you spend your whole paycheck without saving any of it. You need to set a savings goal and start saving a portion of your paycheck. The sooner you create positive financial habits. You are less likely continue the generational cycle of poverty and being poor. Always have money saved so you can pay your bills on time and have discretionary income. Chances are, if you look like a million books, you don't really have a million books because you spent it all. Negative generational cycle. Number two. Lack of educational and career goals. As an educator. I feel that everyone should graduate from high school or achieve their general education degree. Their GED. Being educated does not mean. You must have fancy college degrees. If your dream job or business goals can be accomplished successfully. Without a college degree, then go for it. Don't get yourself as. It's still a long day. If your career doesn't require a college degree. Being educated can be accomplished by self-educating. By doing your own research. Reading books. Listen to the podcast. Watching YouTube videos. Completing tutorials. Getting a certificate from training and. True trial and error. Many successful entrepreneurs and vendors and entertainers. Successful by believing in themselves and following their dreams. I don't know what they passionate about. If your family members have given up on their dreams and just settle for working a job. To pay bills and live paycheck to paycheck. They lack a success. Driven mentality. So accomplish our goals and dreams at some point in your life. Someone made you think your dreams were not possible. So you just gave up and lack the motivation to fight for it. You can now follow your dream and passion to end that generational cycle. Right someone you love wanting to be an actor and have they got the active skills? They got talent. They was afraid to leave the family and relocate to California to do auditions. There's a fear of letting go of the comfortability and the guilt of leaving family. If you were looking for a sign to follow your dreams and do what you're passionate about, this is your sign. Just because your family members might talk down on someone for chasing their dreams and aspiring for success does not mean you have to settle for just getting a job to help out the family. Some families will laugh. Ridicule. You imply that you trying to betray them when you discuss a dream that they don't feel you capable of. They are just projecting their fears of failure on to you. Because they were afraid to do it. Release your attachment and go after your goals without fear of failure. Be the brave one with your talents. Start the cycle of embracing family goals and dreams, not settling for mediocre. A person that lacks self-worth uneducated has no goals will most likely result in the negative generational cycle of illegal activities. Gang affiliation, drug dealing, scamming, or other bad decisions that can lead to incarceration. I was the first in my immediate family to get a master's degree. However, my mother. She frowned upon degrees. She would say, you know, I know people that have college degrees and they work in JC Penny's. As true as that maybe. I did not allow her mentality of just getting a job and living off of government assistance, stopped me from achieving my goal of becoming an educator. I consider myself to be a cycle breaker. You have the ability to be a cycle breaker. It is never too late to accomplish your dreams, educational goals or get your high school diploma or GED. Negative generational cycle. Number three. Drugs, alcohol sex, gambling, food addiction, addiction. Hard drug addiction, whether it's legally prescribed. Or illegal street. Drugs is a form of coping. Coping from post traumatic stress disorder, coping from some form of mental illness, coping from some type of sexual abuse, coping from some form of pain management, physical or emotional. Drugs are used to temporarily mask pain. And it's highly addictive, which causes other forms of family trauma. Coping with drugs does not solve problems. It actually creates more problems. We all know the negative effects of the family drug addict. If you have used drugs to cope because your family has always used drugs to cope, you are continue to add to the problems of dependency. Financial problems, suicide, murder, homelessness, incarceration. Birth defects. Good help. Manage your pain holistically without drugs. Seek therapy or emotional healing. Facia problems to heal from them instead of temporarily using drugs as a band-aid. We all know, once you sober up, the problems are still there. Completely re yourself you're for pain and you won't have to depend on the drugs. It's very possible. Alcoholism is real. And my opinion. I'll cause one of the most harmful legal substances on the market. Generationally family members get drunk and party regularly. This is not drinking socially. This is abusing alcohol on a regular basis. Being drunk every day is not acceptable behavior. Getting drunk, angry and violent to family members and then waking up the next day. Acting like nothing happened happened is not acceptable behavior. Having more than one DUI and possibly losing your driver's license due to alcoholism's means you need to stop drinking. Going to work smelling like alcohol or putting alcohol on your coffee is a sign to me to stop drinking. If you have to be drunk to fall asleep, or you need some type of substance to sleep. You're struggling with alcohol addiction. You are no longer a social drinker. Family center drinking has been a norm for many of us. We party. Play loud music. Get drunk, cuss each other out fight. And then the party is over. The cycle continues and we start to normalize the behavior, even though it was detrimental to our mental health. Our liver and our ability to build a healthy relationship was family and possibly cause work problems. Functional alcoholics makes excuses for the alcoholism and they alcoholism. And they may say things like. I keep a job and I pay my bills. So it's not a problem. Even though it is a huge problem. I come from a family of drinkers. I remember. Asking my, my daddy. I would say. Daddy. When are you going to quit drinking? He would say my mama didn't raise no quitter. Then he was saying. I ain't no alcoholic alcoholics go to those meetings. My daddy is the reason my sense of humor is off the charts. However, the truth is. Generationally alcoholism, drugs, cigarette addiction, and poor eating habits because early deaths in my family. I lost my uncles in their late thirties, lost a cousin to drug overdose, those lost, uh, aunt to lung cancer. They were gone. They are gone too soon, but their lives are not in vain. They are part of the reason I'm expressing the importance of being the cycle breaker in your family. I understand. That you have always. What you have always viewed as a family norm. Maybe. Actually dysfunctional behavior. You don't have to repeat the behavior sex addiction. Can consist of spending money for sex, having multiple sex partners that can lead to unprotected sex, unwanted pregnancy, bringing babies into poverty, untreated, deadly, sexually transmitted diseases that can lead to an early death. Gambling addictions can cause constant financial hardships and illegal activity. I will leave all that right there on the crap table. Just don't start gambling away money while you smoking that cigarette. You have bills to pay and a family to take care of bro. All of you. That we're listening and judging the drug and alcohol abusers. I'm not finished. Food addicts. AKA foodies. Your addiction to food is a number one cause of death in the United States, based on the medical news today, and an article written and published by Benson J to Vela. States. Heart disease is the number one cause of gifts. And the article also states. That this is directly related to poor eating habits. Lack of physical exercise. Some other leading causes of death. We're diabetes and cancer. Y'all are not surprised. So understand that we know we need to eat healthy food to survive, but we also know that when we overeat, I healthy food, we die. So, if you have been enabling your family with those unhealthy meals and you have been coping with your stress by unhealthy comfort food. And you have all these body aches and pains and you don't know why you get a headache when you haven't drank your coffee or soda full of sugar and caffeine. You want to go child sneak food in the middle of the night, or you keep getting all these fake diets and you get a gym membership to go text social media pics on the treadmill, and then walk out the gym. Instead of walking on the treadmill. It's time for you to create healthy behaviors and eating habits for your family. You're killing yourself. And the doctors will just prescribe two blood pressure pills, insulin, and other drugs you need. For your ailments due to poor eating because big pharmaceutical. So. Because big pharmaceutical companies, AKA big pharma, AKA the world's biggest drug dealer will continue to make billions from your poor health choices. If you are suffering from poor health due to your food addictions, please seek a registered dietician or a nutrition, nutrition. Or a nutritionist. To explore eating habits that are more beneficial to you and your family's health. Getting weight loss surgery, or getting a tummy tuck or BBL before you have actively changed to a healthier lifestyle is a waste of money. So once again, Someone will get rich from your unhealthy life choices. If you are the head of the household, your family will follow your eating habits. I'm a cycle breaker. When I changed my eating habits, not only did my son changed his eating habits, but family members in my circle became more mindful of their food consumption and exercise routines. Your health is wealth. Live longer. Live pain-free. Live healthy. And courage workout days with your family. Create workout challenges for your family. Share healthy soul food recipes. You can still eat what you love, but just watch your portion sizes and be willing to burn the calories with a great workout afterwards. Save that extra money you've been spending on fast food. Door dash and over ordering at fancy restaurants. Save that extra money you have suspend on hospital and urgent care copays. Save that extra money you been spending on fake diets and surgeries, and just create a generational lifestyle change. And plan for your family. The ideas are temporary weight loss plans, but a healthy lifestyle change. Forms longterm habits, they may increase your lifespan and change the genetic makeup of your future generation of children and grandchildren. Break the generational cycle of food edition and unhealthy lifestyles. Negative generational cycle number four. Child abuse. Lack of nurture abandonment. I had to say the best for last. I'm warning you now. This will be D and defy all of your current beliefs about weapons and me. This one is one that I was able to cycle break, but it was extremely hard to mentally wrap my mind around how and why. Physical abuse is so wrong because you get so used to knowing and hearing that you got to whoop your kids. You got to beat your kids. So. We all know the whole quote, spare the rod, spoil the child. The rod represents discipline. So many times older folk will say beating the child is the best form of discipline. We have used physical abuse for discipline for generations and generations. Not even for just children, but also physical abuse and marriages and relationships. My favorite movie, the color purple. There's a scene when Harpo comes to Seely. And ask for advice on how to get Sophia, to comply, let him lead and to be a good wife. Prepares I reenact the scene with my acting skills. Harpo serious. What. That's all for you. Sealy slowly stands up, looks heartful in the ISS. Bita. Later Sophia comes to Seeley, extremely angry and says. You told cop beat me. All my life. I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight. I had to fight my brothers. Girl chatting safe in a family of means, but I never thought I have to find in my own house. No. God knows that. Do. But have kill him day before I let him beat me. Now you won't have dead. Son-in-law Ms. Seeley. You keep it fast. At him like you doing. It's an amazing film that depicts many different forms of emotional generational abuse and trauma from that time period. However, Sealy didn't mean any harm to Sophia. She was just simply expressing the only thing she has been taught and experienced generationally. As the audience. We all knew it was wrong, but we understood disturbingly that this was the patriarchal norm men beat their wives and children for obedience dominance and to provoke, fear and power. We have to dig deep to where this patriarchal dominance came from. I'll start. On the plantation during slavery. If you ever watched the movie roots, there's a scene. When a newly purchased slave named Kente was purchased and brought to the United States slave plantation. And the scene, the slave master gives them a name. Toby. To strip him of his African roots and identity, they take away their name and give them a new name. Counter refuses to say that this is name Toby. So the slave master ties him up and whips him. Until he complies. It says his name was Toby. He has all the other slaves just watching. To teach a lesson. The scene is an emotional scene. And if you cry watching the movie roots or cry watching any other slave movie, then you should understand why physical abuse for compliance is not the best form of discipline. It should not be used. To discipline our children. It was a negative generational learned behavior from the slave plantations. Even though people say. The child, his dad, because he didn't get enough weapons. That is so far from the truth and reality, it's always the child that received the most weapons that happens to be the baddest. Because physical abuse creates emotional trauma. It teaches violence and dehumanizes children. You can discipline your child without physically abusing them the same as you can be the head of your household without abusing your significant other or spouse. We have to stop teaching our children. That physical abuse is an acceptable behavior for discipline. If you want to properly discipline someone. The most effective way to discipline is to take away a privilege, take away material possession. Or make the child correct their negative behavior, for example. I have a child writes on the wall, make them clean all the walls of the home. If the child breaks or damages something, make them use their own money to repair or replace. And by all means. Take away their cell phones and electronic devices. This type of discipline, teaches accountability for their actions. Promote a better choice in behavior and teaches a life lesson. A weapon just teaches him violence and it's a quick and easy way for them to get back to their poor behavior. That's why people eventually say I beat them and they still bad. Right because beatings don't teach a change behavior. Your children are not dogs. You can train a dog with a ride. Your children are humans. They are capable of learning positive behavior by using proper discipline. Slave masters, dehumanize slaves. Get off the plantation. Ray's we spectacle non-violent humans. You wonder why your child starts elementary school and smacks another child because they don't do what they want it. The first thing you say is, you know, better than hitting people. But do they know better? Or do they know the learn behavior from home? You wonder why the teacher calls you because your child yells and cusses out everyone in the classroom and disrupts class by yelling at others. The first thing you say is, you know, better than yelling and cussing in a class. But do they know better after all you yell and cuss out everybody in the house? This is a generational learn behavior. Nurture your children. Hug your children. Love on your children. Discipline with an intent to teach a better behavior. Talk to your children have real conversations with your children. They didn't ask to be here. You brought them here. And now they're here and you treat them like they're an unwanted, expensive pet. This is why some of us that are currently in the process of healing from negative generational behaviors. Have to do what psychologists call reparenting is a process where you forgive your parents for the dysfunctional way they raised you and become your own parent and reparent to heal from the trauma of your childhood. You don't want your children to require healing from having you as a parent? And the negative generational cycle of child abuse. Lack of nurture. Neglect and abandonment by healing before you become a parent. Abandoned children, our children left to be raised with other family members or foster care. Feelings of abandonment can also be created by a parent that works all the time and comes home mad, overworked and tired. If you have to work all the time, refer back to negative generational cycle. Number one, ending financial instability, and poverty. Don't come home, angry and yelling at everybody. Stop all day yelling at your house. You already have high blood pressure from the unhealthy eating habits. So now you've gone throw yourself into a stroke. Cycle breaker, make your home a peaceful home with genuine love, proper disciplinary techniques. Nurturing and being a present parent. How are you? Champion for a lot of changes. Cycle breaker. If you are hearing my voice today is a day you accept the fact you were created with a divine purpose to break all unhealthy generational behaviors within your family. It does not matter how old you are. How you have always been how many true children you may already have. It starts with you. Do it for your family? Your siblings, your grandchildren leave a family legacy. That's more valuable than money. Start by acknowledging your family truths and avoid denial of the dysfunction. Forgive yourself for being a victim of your negative generational cycle. Forgive their parents and grandparents. They were also unaware of the negative behavior. They simply did the best they could. What they learned. Be open and willing to get a professional help with your addictions or mental health or eating habits. Make a list. All the positive benefits from overall mental health, physical health, emotional health, and financial stability. By taking the initiative and breaking the cycle. Verbally express and have open conversations with your family members about why it will be healthier for your family to end the cycle. You all can become cycle breakers. Each week. I wrote an author based on a life-changing book operate. Bill hooks. A distinguished professor, social activist and author. She passed away in December of 2021. I admired her work and would have wished to meet her. If I could have in her book titled salvation, she discusses the negative impact of a patriarchal home by saying this. And our patriarchal home. Love for our father always took second place to our fear of him. Growing up in a household where our mother was willingly subordinate to our father and use Christian teaching to justify female obedience to males. I witnessed firsthand the way in which male domination. Like all forms of domination. Make love impossible. While one can care for someone deeply. And dominate them. It is impossible to truly love someone and dominate and abuse them. She goes on to quote a reminder from rabbi Harold Kushner. Which states. Love can be generated only between people who see themselves as equals. Between people who can be mutually fulfilling for each other. When one commands and the other obeys, there can be loyalty and gratitude, but not love. Then she goes on to quote a reminder from cycle analyst, Carl Jones, who states. You can love someone and give them the room and the right to be themselves. You can try to control them. To make them do your will, whether for his own good or for the enhancement of your ego, but you cannot do both at the same time. When people become obsessed with abuse and power. Uh, barrier is created, blocking our capacity to truly love one another. Rest in peace of bell hooks in her creative works. The book salvation is life-changing and an amazing read. If you're open to healing from trauma. Lack of nurture and lack of true family love. I also read her book title out about love. It's also a must read. You are now a champion for healing and change. Or quick recaps. Of clarification and understanding. Listen and listen. Well, Rick had one. Don't bring the child into poverty. Your future child does not deserve to be born. Poor, create a budget of your finances or do financial literacy workshop a new year as quickly approaching do a vision board. Financial budget party with your friends and family. Learn how to sacrifice and save your money. By paying your savings account. First, pay yourself first. If you have a job, the money is there. Get out of debt. Recap too. It's never too late to accomplish your goals. Self-educate use your talents to be successful and avoid people in your life or family that crush your dreams, or try to prevent you from chasing your goals and dreams. Be educated, work hard to follow, whatever it is you are passionate about. Don't fear, failure, and don't fear letting go of family attachments. Don't be afraid of negative response from your family members. We kept three. He'll from all addictions. Don't be afraid to get professional help. Genuinely heal. Don't temporarily master problems by unhealthy coping. There are healthy ways to cope from trauma that don't involve drugs, alcohol cigarettes, and unhealthy food. Make healthy lifestyle changes that can potentially change your genetic makeup for future generations of your family health, which will also create family wealth. Remembering that heart disease, diabetes and cancer are leading causes of death in the United States. I find a great dietician. Nutritionist or fitness trainer that can get you on the right track. Not a diet, a lifestyle change for the whole family. Holistically recap for physical abuse, lack of nurture and abandonment are dysfunctional patterns of child raising that we learned from plantations, physical abuse and dominance was used to evoke fear and dehumanized slaves. Your children are human. This was negatively passed on to our grandparents and parents. They were unconsciously aware of the dysfunction and harm that it has caused us. It has caused us to learn violence has psychological trauma and broken families. Let's create positive changes to our bloodline. Be liberated from the emotional scars of abuse. Promote true love value, and self-worth to our children and create a home full of peace, love and liberation. Elevate your mind. Be open to health and wealth. Trust the healing process, sometimes healing hurts, but when completely healed you become a stronger. Wiser and amazing human. That was heavy. Let's relax and breathe. Breathe in love. Breathe out. Love. Breathe in peace. Breathe out peace. Breathe in love. Share love. Now, share this podcast to help someone you love heal from negative generational cycles. we are champions. We win together. Let's continue to connect. I've done all the talking, but don't forget. I'm also a great listener. So after listening to this session, you can release, respond, reflect, or open up and acknowledge your struggles. Let's start the healing process together. Record your voice. Or record a video and D M at to my Instagram at shy, the healer that's shy. S H Y T H E healer, H E a L E R. All one word. I will try to respond to all voice recordings and videos only, but if you want to write something. Write a review our comment and share this podcast. Champions you can support by clicking the link to donate and support in my podcast notes until then see you next. Healthcare sunday