Session 6 5 Values of Healthy Loving Relationships

Your Host: Shyra DeJuan (ShyTheHealer)

The 5 Values of Healthy Loving Relationships, Exploring FIPES- Financial, Intellectual, Physical, Emotional and Spiritual aspects of finding true love and healing from past relational experiences.

Learn ways to grow healthier in your marriage, in your long-term relationship or future relationship! This session is for EVERYONE! 

The way we view, shape and speak about how we feel about a negative experience in our life, determines how we heal. Practice positive language and recognize how it develops your thoughts & actions avoid saying break up, failed marriage or failed relationships. Those phrases create negative language that internalizes negative thoughts about the experience. Use terms like, we weren’t aligned, we grew apart, our separation was a mutual agreement. 
We have been conditioned to believe that we have failed at a relationship when the truth is, you went through a relational learning experience and you can take time to analyze & embrace your faults, forgive yourself and the other person for those faults and misunderstandings. Then you can take the time to heal, grow and be better for your next relationship. If you don’t grow and learn from a relationship that was not aligned, you will be in a continuous cycle of those same types of unhealthy relationships or trauma bonds. After ending a relationship that was not aligned to your values, be willing to take at least 8-12 months to heal, find yourself and values before entering into a new relationship. 

The term FIPES (Financial, Intellectual, Physical, Emotional, Spiritual) was created by Shyra DeJuan and is based on her Independent Research Study relating to relationships completed in 2011. 

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Transcript

0:04

All smiles champions. Welcome to mine. Elevation health and wealth. My name is Dhawan. I'm an emotional healer, educator and entrepreneur. Each week, we will dig deep into emotionally healing, all aspects of your life to increase your ability to create prosperity mind, elevation health and wealth allows you to elevate and shift into a growth mindset. Share each moment with me, I'm giving you permission to fulfill all of the unique desires of your heart judgment free shame-free guilt-free elements to heal your mind and body as you listen and consume the words of the session with no fear. Fear of loss champions if we heal together we'll be real together Embrace unconditional love and keep listening healing is health health is wealth you are here on purpose Session six, five values of healthy loving relationships. Listen and listen well, champions, whether you would get peace from God, peace from the universe or peace within self healthy relationships are necessary for living in peace and being in love. Back in 2011, my senior year of college, undergrad, I had to complete an independent study class. The requirements for the independent study were to complete a research paper. Over 30 pages of research. with only scholarly journals that I could use as my sources. I chose to do my independent study and research on the foundation of romantic relationships. Within my research, I created five major areas that I personally felt were important for relationships to flourish. And then I successfully found over 15 scholarly journals to back my claims. The five areas of focus for my research paper. We're financially. Intellectually physically, emotionally and spiritually. Those five. For my research paper, I use the acronym fights. F is for financial. I is for intellectual P is for physical E is for emotional and S is for spiritual fights. I had the opportunity to pull up, publish my relationship book based on my research. And my book is still unpublished. I have to blame my imposter syndrome for not publishing it. However. Due to some major life experiences since then. I'm so glad that I'm able to verbally share with you today on this podcast. We will discuss those five areas as it relates to your current companion. If you are in a relationship, your future companion, if you plan to be in a relationship and how to properly heal from a breakup or being misaligned. If you are single or newly single, we all have ignored red flags. We have sacrificed our deal breakers, and we have been open to starting a relationship with someone that we know immediately isn't for us, or isn't good for us. But we create in our minds, we are going to fix this person. I'm guilty of all these things. And I'm the first to admit that it has also been the cause of relationships being short time or ending. Think of fights. As a strong foundational balance of any relationship. The first letter of fights we're going to cover is financially. If you were looking for someone that can afford to take care of you. You are not looking for love. You're looking for a sponsor. No judgment. But this podcast is about finding genuine love and companionship. Based on my research, financial instability can be the reason for many disagreements and hardships in a romantic relationship. Please listen to session four podcasts on creating a healthy relationship with money. If you're still struggling financially. You must be willing to make some positive changes financially. If you plan to successfully build a healthy relationship. Which brings me to the importance of the purpose of the value of having financial balance when entering or keeping a healthy relationship. If you are a listener that is currently married or currently already in a long-term relationship, it's important that you sit down with your partner and make sure you discuss this sometimes difficult conversations happen when you're talking about money. Create your financial goals together. If you have separate accounts or hidden money in accounts, analyze why you feel the need to hide money. Or your spending habits from your significant other. This behavior is a sign of not being aligned with your partner financially. Repairs can be made if you generally love and want to elevate and bill with your partner. Notice I'm using the phrase, finding balance and alignment. This is important. Balance and alignment are necessary for understanding your financial values. This doesn't mean you both have to make the same amount of money. It means that you both have aligned the same relationship goals as it relates to the financial stability within your relationship. If you're married, there should be a family budget created together. Everyone in the family should be held responsible for their part of understanding and keeping the budget. Having an open conversation about spending habits and creating a savings goal together can help to find balance within the relationship. If you're not married, but in a long-term relationship, you may not necessarily have to disclose all of your financial information as if you were a married couple, but you definitely should have a conversation about healthy ways to save together, discuss spending habits and future financial outlooks after all, if you are in a relationship long-term, and there's a possibility of marriage in the future, you don't want to go into a marriage with poor financial baggage. For example. If you notice your partner is an extremely materialistic impulse buyer and purchase a belt that costs$700 to flex on social media. Then the following week, that same partner had to borrow money from you to pay utility bill. You are frugal and not materialistic. And you choose to pay all your major bills first before you buy nice things for yourself. So your partner knows you will have the extra money to cover their overspending. You need to have a financial conversation to find equal balance. It isn't healthy to be in a relationship and suffer through financial hardships due to reckless spending. Your financial values are not aligned. And if your person is not willing to build with you financially, it's time to consider it. This relationship is even worth moving forward. There should be values placed on financial stability for a healthy, loving relationship to flourish. Understanding that you don't have to be a millionaire to be financially stable. You can make less than$30,000 a year and be financially stable. If you're accurately living within your means as a single person. When you put yourself out there to find a partner while dating, let fights be a part of your dating conversation. Create a safe space to discuss being aligned financially. Ask open-ended questions such as, how do you describe your spending habits? You don't have to be blunt. And say, what's your credit score? But be open to sharing, sharing, something like. Having good credit is important to me. That doesn't mean you won't date the person because of it. It just means they should be willing to work towards finding that balance financial stability. Savings habits and spending habits are extremely important. Relationship, goals, and values. If you're listening and realize you need to personally grow in the area of financial stability. It's a great idea to work on yourself financially first, before seeking a loving relationship. The second letter of fights. Is the eye. Intellectually. I have a famous line that I use when I mentor youth. It's. Don't date dummies. You may have realized you were dating a person with the lower intellect. Low intellect and immature adults blame other people instead of being responsible for their own actions. They only talk about life complaints, work complaints, or friend complaints. We all know what it's like to hold a conversation with someone that has a low level of intellectual maturity. If you find yourself over explaining basic concepts, if the person can't hold a conversation regarding goals and ideas, but they constantly talk about other people or talk about themselves. If the person has an extremely close mind, so they get angry and argue about simple topics instead of being open to listen to other people's ideas or to share their own ideas. Lower level intellectuals are not capable of having a peaceful debate over the simplest topics. If the person. It's still not able to make basic life decisions on their own. If your conversation consists of cussing each other out negative name, calling, talking down on each other or talking down about other people. If asking a simple question results in a heating argument. If the only time you talk about anything, agreeable is when you're discussing intimacy. Those are low intellect conversations you deserve to hold a loving intellectual conversation with your partner, exploring new ideas, sharing, meaningful thoughts. Uh, aspirations and future goals you deserve to hold conversations relating to topics, worldviews or life experiences. Healthy intellectual conversation is a sign of two people aligned with intellectual maturity. Sometimes these relationships can start out really fun and exciting in the beginning. However, longterm, when things get serious, you realize you ignored all the signs of low intellect. You may have even joked about it with your close friends and still continue to date the person. Even though the person was kinda like really low intellect. Knowing that you were not balanced or aligned on an intellectual level, the conversation eventually fades boredom strikes, and you may have nothing to grow towards within the relationship. If you have chosen to be intimately involved with this person, that may be the only way you connect. I'm not saying that people that are on similar levels of intellect do not have disagreements is actually healthy to have some meaningful disagreements to solve real issues. I'm saying the disagreements should not end with a physical fight. Or verbal abuse. Intellectual aspects of a person can vary in so many ranges. I'm also not saying if you have a college degree, you should only date people that have a college degree. Having a college degree does not mean you have a high level of intellect. It may increase your intellect in some areas, but it doesn't mean it makes you intellectually mature. There are extremely intelligent people that do not have a college degree, but have high levels of intellectual maturity. Find a person that can match your intellectual energy. Here is a vocabulary word and fun fact, if you find intelligence sexually attractive or arousing, you are considered to be a sapiosexual. I thought that was like, A cute vocabulary word. If you are listening and you realize you need to personally grow in the area of intellectual maturity, it's a great idea to work on yourself intellectually first, before seeking a loving relationship. The third letter of FIPSE is the letter P physically. Physical attraction is extremely important. Whether it's being physically attracted to a person shape or body type physically attracted to a person's facial features, skin color, hair, nails, style of dress. These aspects of physical attraction are usually the first thing you notice when you meet a person in person. Can't really be sure if you're online dating because you can fall in love with someone intellectually and emotionally, and then be physically catfish with fake images. This is why the TV series catfish is so popular. Okay. The words handsome. Beautiful, fine. Pretty tall, short or fun size. Models, hype and sexy. The words we use to describe physical attributes to our partner or potential partner. If you are currently married or currently in a long-term relationship, hopefully you still have a physical attraction to your partner. If nine is Tod to analyze changes that can be made to bring the attraction back. The important part is making sure you are happy with your physical appearance. Sometimes people get comfortable in a relationship and let themselves go. And for whatever reasons, decided not to take care of themselves anymore. Because they're in a relationship. That isn't fair to your partner, withholding and denying physical intimacy in a marriage is also unhealthy and not fair to your partner. However, if there is an unexpected health condition that prevents certain levels of intimacy, that's beyond your control. It's just not fair to withhold, to be mean or be spiteful and say, oh, like, we're not going to have sex because you know, you just want to be mean now physical attraction is sometimes the initial attraction to develop a new relationship. Some people have their physical deal breakers. My person should be at least six feet tall, or my person should be small and petite, or my person shouldn't be too skinny or my person shouldn't be too fat. My person should be in shape and muscular. We have heard all of those deal breakers. We know amazing humans that have been dismissed because of their height or their weight. But the reality is physical attraction. Is that important for some people? The other side of physical attraction involves sex and intimacy. And my most recent studies, I found that it may not be healthy to start a relationship based on sexual. Intimacy. Although I can hear some of you thinking I can't be with someone. If they can't please me sexually. I know, I know no judgment. However, if you rush into having sex too soon, I will say this. The person that you feel is your soulmate. Your soulmate connect passionately with that person. However, if you physically rush into sexual intimacy immediately. It's probably not love. It's actually list lust is so tricky because you feel like you've fallen deep in love with this person, even though you only know them for about a month. If you make it two months six, this is around the time people's true self surface. And you start realizing there may not be true substance in your relationship. It may not be as deep as you thought it was. It's probably just. You enjoy having sex with that person? You had a really taken time to connect on other important levels. Y'all went all in with physical and forgot about the other aspects that help you connect longterm. I'm not saying that people don't have one nightstands and ended up genuinely falling in love. In fact, I think the statistics for. Genuinely fall in love after a one night stand is approximately 20% do some fact checking. But I am saying that your chances of connecting with your partner on deeper levels and finding genuine love. It's statistically higher. When you wait and get to know your person for three months or more of consistent dating and hanging out before involving physical intimacy and sex notice, I said, consistent dating and hanging out for a long period of time. Some of you may decide to wait until marriage and some, we may wait until you feel comfortable. You don't have to set any specific date or timeline, but just understand that if you want to avoid. The confusion of lust and you want to invest real energy substance. And time into another person. You want to really figure out your true values within that person. You are worth the wait. No, your value know your worth. If sex is the only thing you have going for you, if you feel like your only beneficial physical attribute is sex. Please pause. You are not ready today. You need to fall in love with yourself first. Once again, I'm not judging. I've had those thoughts before. I'm struggled with waiting and ended up disappointed with myself. A couple months later, you have the power to change your old dating habits and old relationship behaviors. Remember. If sexual intimacy is a foundation of the relationship. Eventually you find it's not strong enough to keep the relationship strong. And the whole thing is just going to collapse. If you wait it out, create a vow of celibacy with your partner and realize you and your person connect on all levels financially, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. And then you create a romantic evening to discover your physical connection. And it's just bliss. You've already invested values within the intimacy of your relationship. And you've both taken the time to build an extremely sturdy foundation. If you are a person with non-traditional alternative lifestyles relating to sex and relationships, such as polygamy swinging partners swaps, please make your partner aware of your alternative life. Lifestyle immediately allow them the Liberty to choose if they will embrace the lifestyle or not. These desires are calls for immediate healthy discussions. If you are listening. And realize you need to personally grow in the area of understanding your physical worth. And values. It is a great idea to start a self love journey first before seeking a loving relationship. The fourth letter of fights. The letter E emotionally emotional connection has to be the most controversial when you may be married to, or in a long-term relationship with someone managing mental illness. Please ensure that your partner is managing their mental health appropriately. Have compassion, empathy, and open conversations. When you recognize a trigger and contact professional help. If you notice a drastic change in behavior. If you're dating and you meet someone, it's always great to discuss topics relating to managing mental illness and mental health awareness. The truth is some relationships are created from trauma bonds, some trauma bonds for like a soul connection until it becomes toxic. Uh, trauma bond is having a strong connection and attachment based on shared emotional trauma with a form of positive reinforcement. You may not immediately recognize your attachment is from trauma until you realize it's hard to get out of the relationship. The person may be trying to fix you, or you may be trying to fix the person. And it's a repeating cycle of toxic behaviors that you identify as love. You may feel sorry for the person, the person may remind you of one of your toxic parents. So you bond because it's comfortable and familiar. There are many types of examples of trauma bonds. I will give one easy example. May fall in love with an alcoholic, even though your dad was an alcoholic, but in your mind, you can fix your partner because you couldn't fix your dad. You're a test, the idea that things will get better, but this person needs your help and you can fix them or they can fix you. Both parties need healing. Not a romantic relationship outside or see the toxicity, but when they try to express their concerns, you begin to isolate yourself from your family and isolate yourself from your meaningful relationships. No judgment. I've been in trauma bonds also more than once before I even realize the relationship was created from poor emotional health. Instead of true foundation of healthy love. This is why emotional health and emotional stability is extremely important to have within yourself before entering into a healthy relationship. If you suffer from any form of mental illness. Get appropriate, help and properly manage your mental health with healthy coping. It is so important to be emotionally available for your partner. Being emotionally available means being open to share your own feelings to the full extent and allow your partner to openly share their feelings with you. Without judgment, strong men do cry. Strong men can be open about their feelings. Strong men can be emotionally available. However, it takes an emotionally stable and aware partner to be open to the intricacies of embracing strong men's emotions without labeling them as weak. The reality is weak men withhold their emotions due to a fear of judgment. If you're raising a son and teaching toxic masculinity, this is unhealthy and it decreases the chances of young men to build meaningful romantic relationships, because they won't be emotionally available to. Their significant other. Strong women support men that are in touch with your emotional side. There must be balanced in both men and women embracing both feminine and masculine energy without judgment and shame. Emotional support and love to your partner also involves knowing how they prefer to be emotionally loved and knowing how you want to be emotionally love. take the online love language test together. There are five love languages to be expressed. One love language is words of affirmation that's verbally or written words of support, encouragement, and reminders of why you love your partner. Number two love language is acts of service. That's expressing love by doing things for your partner, helping with chores, doing tasks without being asked to help. Love language. Number three is giving gifts expressing love by thoughtful and meaningful gifts. Surprising with flowers, sentimental gifts, or momentos. Love language. Number four is quality time expressing love by spending meaningful time together, giving undivided attention, talking or walk and talk together, a vacation together or planning date night without cell phones. Giving that undivided attention for quality time. If you can tell that's my love language. Love language, number five, physical touch expressing love by physical touch, cuddling, holding hands, body rubs, and body massages and other physical affection. So those are the five love language. Know how you like to be loved, know how your partner likes to be loved. Find this and discover this together. Mine's our love language. Number one words of affirmation and love language. Number four, quality time. I love spending quality time. That's yeah. Be willing to cater to your partner's love language. And when it's been expressed as an emotional value, valuing emotional balance within yourself and within your relationship, statistically improves all relationships, having emotional intelligence. He is also a great life skill to master. A romantic relationship with strong emotional trust involves two people with open hearts, to people that are not afraid to be vulnerable, allowing yourself to openly love someone else means you are able to embrace being in a state of healthy, emotional vulnerability. When emotional vulnerability is healthy, it brings you closer to your partner. It's also a great idea to do relationship therapy with your partner before marriage or before a longterm commitment. This is a great way to understand each other's emotional strength and address mental health concerns. If you're listening and realize you need to personally grow in the area of healing, your emotions or opening up to emotions and vulnerability, it's a great idea to work on your mental health first, before seeking. A loving relationship. The fifth letter of fights. S spiritually. Many people have many different spiritual or religious beliefs. In fact, Religious beliefs can be an immediate deal breaker for some. I'll list a few. There are many different forms of Kearney Christianity. And then there's Judaism Islam, Muslim Buddhism, Hinduism. Rastafarianism Agnes. This is awesome. Atheism Satanism and the list can go on with beliefs and non beliefs. I can't possibly list all of the spiritual, religious or non beliefs. However, If you are married, you have probably already come to an agreement with your spiritual beliefs. If you're on a long-term relationship, you should have already found balance within your spiritual beliefs. If not, it's important, discuss your beliefs and how you will live peacefully with your beliefs. If you plan to have children, it's important to decide together the belief system that is best for your future children. Understanding your spiritual boundaries are important. If you have strong Christian beliefs, dating and atheists, maybe your deal breaker is best to know what you will or will not tolerate with your beliefs. Just like all of the other areas of fights, your spiritual values and beliefs are just as important creating a healthy relationship. This does not mean you must have the exact same beliefs. But there has to be a level of respect and understanding if you and your partner have some spiritual differences. Some people are willing to convert for love. But I don't recommend a conversion. If it defies your core life values, do extensive research on all belief systems before you decide to convert. Because if you can Bert for love and realize it's not aligned with you. This may cause resentment. Some of us may hold strong negative assumptions about nonbelievers or atheists. When the reality is I met some genuinely great people with amazing energy that have no strong religious beliefs, or they may be atheist. Allow the conversation to flow without extreme judgment or negative talk, people are allowed to believe or not believe people are allowed to be spiritual or religious. It is not for us to judge or convert. We can only share our beliefs, our testimonies, and the start of our own spiritual journey. If you decide that their beliefs are not aligned with yours, you don't have to consider a relationship. In fact, you don't have to waste your energy. Don't be so desperate to find love that you ignore addressing spirituality or beliefs. This should not be ignored when dating or seeking a romantic relationship. Once again, conversations should be initiated. Asking open-ended questions such as, do you consider yourself to be super religious, spiritual, or nonbeliever? If you desire marriage in your future, ask the question. Would you want a church wedding or a non-traditional wedding? As longterm questions. If we decide to have children, what will we raise our children to believe? You may want a praying partner. So ask, are you willing to pray together? You may practice meditation. So ask, do you meditate or are you willing to practice meditation with me? So many ways to discover your spiritual alignment, but it is important to be true and strong in your own beliefs. If you are listening and realize you can openly embrace your spiritual beliefs and still be open to understanding others without judgment. Do that first before seeking a loving relationship. Hey, you champion for life changes, you are ready to embrace the five core values of fights, financial intellectual. Physical emotional and spiritual levels to embrace a loving, romantic relationship. If you are hearing my voice today is the day you accept the fact you are created with a divine purpose to understand how knowing values based on fives to align with your partner or future partner. No, that you are valuable and know that you are worthy, you can use fives to evaluate all of your personal relationships, not just a romantic relationships. There may be people in your circle that you've outgrown. That doesn't mean you have to end the friendship. It just means you must limit the type of conversations you have with that person. Before you begin evaluating your fights in relationships. We must understand that the most important relationship that we focus on is the relationship with yourself. Self-love self-growth self-esteem self-acceptance and self-awareness self-compassion should be your priority. First, your focus on financial intellectual, physical, emotional, and spiritual levels should not focus on finding the perfect match. In those areas, but finding balance and growth. In all of those areas, be willing to grow in love and not just fall in love. If you want a different life, you have to be willing to accept. Different or do different things like being vulnerable, be clear about what your boundaries and values are instead of trying to be a likable person. Your relationship doesn't have to be like someone else's relationship. Good relationship can be the way you want it to be. With the agreements that you have made with your partner. Everything doesn't have to be black and white. Your relationship can be purple and gold, open and bold. But if you and your partner are aligned, it doesn't matter. What other people think. Understand that with growth, some people can not receive you where they are. When people don't understand your growth is directly related to where they currently are. If they haven't healed from their trauma, you have already healed from your trauma. They may have a negative view of your growth. This is okay. Just be self-aware and don't take their negativity personally. They aren't at your level yet. Everyone you meet is not going to support unlike where you are or where you're growing. You see that on a say, going, I said, where you're growing, that's fine. You are not aligned with that person. Move forward without shame and give them grace, create depth and layers to who you are, know how you want to be loved how to openly love others and how to receive love from others. I'll repeat this so you can feel it. No, how you want to be loved and how to openly love others and how to receive love from others. Evaluate your past and present relationships. If you are honest with yourself. And see the same negative patterns. That pattern is the area you need growth. If you notice that you've been having sex immediately, when you first meet somebody and then the relationship is over or a ghost only physical and sexual stop that pattern. You are worth the wait. If we don't own up to our true self, we cannot respond appropriately to change. At MIT, one painful fact about yourself to yourself. Self honesty is a key to positive change in yourself. This will lead to accurately understanding. What you value? We have to be open to win the war within us, by acknowledging our hurtful truths. You don't need someone else to love you to find value on yourself, be your own best friend. You start attracting people that are aligned and like-minded, you are more likely to surround yourself in circles of like-minded individuals. You must be everything that you desire. If you desire an amazing friend, you have to be an amazing friend. Therefore you will attract an amazing friend. You must be able to provide desires of your heart on your own before expecting someone else to bring it to you. Invest in your own happiness. Take yourself on trips. Start your own hobbies. Create your fitness goals. Every human has been designed to be successful. You don't need a great companion to be a great companion. Every relationship that isn't aligned to you. Is a learning experience. Let's not call it a breakup or a fail relationship or a heartbreak is simply a learning experience. Be comfortable in your own world while you're in a relationship or marriage have a social life outside your relationship. So you're not pressuring your significant other to be your everything because after a while being everything for someone can get to be exhausting. Set reasonable deal, breakers and expectations. When evaluating your fights, for example. There's a difference between I don't drink alcohol. So I refuse to date someone else that drinks alcohol versus I don't drink alcohol, but I'm willing to date a social drinker. A reasonable deal breaker would be. I refuse to date an alcoholic alcoholism. Doesn't align with my emotional values. Example too, of setting a reasonable deal breaker or expectations. I value my freedom of not having a teen or young children. So I refuse to date anyone that has children versus I value my freedom of not having a teen or young children, but I'm willing to date someone that has an adult child or adult children. Your reasonable deal-breaker would be. I refuse to date someone with young children or teenagers, teens and children are not aligned with my emotional values of freedom. Each week I promote an Arthur. And I'm going to promote Arthur's based on life changing book. I've read this week. I must discuss the author. Jason Wilson. He is an expert in emotional stability training for men. The book is titled. Battle cry, waging and winning the war within, in this book, he discusses how he struggled with combating his toxic thoughts and emotions, which caused him to communicate without composure and cause him to hurt himself. And those he loved after healing from his emotional struggles and winning the war within. He is now a loving father and husband and the director of the cave of Adullam transformational academy. The acronym is kata. Cave of Adullam transformational academy. He also presented his academy at president Obama's. My brother's keeper showcase at the white house. Mr. Jason Wilson has over 25 years of martial arts experience. And over 20 years of developing and training young black males, you can also follow Mr. Wilson on Instagram at M R J a S O N O w I L S O N. Mr. Jason O. Wilson. I'm a poet and I love poetry. So I'm also going to share one of my favorite male poets and spoken word artists, laundry hill, and his book of poetry called eternal sunshine. The poem, title, love and relationships. Mandrills spoken word albums and meditations can also be found on apple music. He writes and records all of his poems in the poem, love and relationships. I will share some lines in the poem that touch my spirit. I often listened to the whole poem in the morning. While I'm getting ready for work. I'm only going to share less than a minute of the poem. Love is. Love is that emotional, spiritual thing inside that you can't define from afar? It looks like a danger sign, but as you get closer, it's almost like looking into an Angel's eyes because they make you forget about everything that has hurt you and the pain inside and smile as bright as the sunshine, even though it may rank at times, love is sacred. Love is sanctified. It is what brought peace to the world in ancient times. Love is the same energy and created the universe and paints. The sky love is the person that bursting. At night and angels fly love is intellectual conversations that make our brains collide. Love can really make you go insane at times. Love is that little thing inside that makes anger die. Love told me to love myself. And then I became sublime love. Can't really be explained at times. Love is everything's that I can't describe love is everything. Everything is love. The details of the whole poem is so elegantly written with such passion and purpose, but laundry kills creativity has that impact on my life. I asked you to go ahead and download one of those albums from, apple music. I listened to it in the mornings. It really lifts my spirits, The links to Mr. Jason Wilson's book, battle cry, waging of war within and laundry hill. It will be listed in my podcast notes. You are now a champion for healing and change for quick reflections, for clarification and understanding. Listen and listen. Well, reflection one. The way we view and shape and speak about what we feel are negative experiences in our life. Also determines how we heal. Practice positive language and recognize how it develops your thoughts and actions. Avoid saying breakup. Uh, voicing failed marriage or fail relationships. Those phrases create negative language that internalizes negative thoughts and the experience. Use terms like we weren't aligned. We grew apart. Our separation was a mutual agreement. We have been conditioned to believe that we have failed at a relationship when the truth is you went through a relational learning experience and you can take time to analyze and embrace your faults, forgive yourself, and forgive the other person for those faults and misunderstandings. Then you can take the time to heal, grow and be better for your next relationship. If you don't grow and learn from a relationship that was not aligned, you will be in a continuous cycle of those same types of unhealthy relationships or trauma. Trauma bonds. After ending a relationship that was not aligned to your values, take at least eight to 12 months to heal. Find yourself and values before entering into a new relationship. Uh, quickly rushing into a new relationship without healing is not fair to the new person. They deserve to have a fully healed you. If you happen to meet someone before you have completely healed, be honest about your healing journey, ask them to give you appropriate time to heal from your mutual separation so you can love them openly and properly when you're ready. Reflection too. Do temperature checks in long-term marriages. Uh, or relationships, a temperature check in a long-term marriage or relationships means you have an annual value check by asking if you both are willing to move forward with the relationship for another year, had this open conversation mutually, if it's difficult, you may need a coach or therapist to help you with difficult conversations. Is your relationship growing and thriving together? Have you created some shared hobbies together? If not, where and how can you start don't waste each other's time by sitting idle when your longterm relationship or marriage is not always a bad thing to end a relationship. Most times it's the best decision for both parties. It hurts at first, but it's so worth it. I'm currently single by choice. I'm currently almost two months into healing after ending a relationship that was not aligned. I used to feel shamed during this time. I used to feel loneliness during this time, but on this self love journey I have learned to practice self-compassion from the relationships ending due to mutual separation and not being aligned. I have really enjoyed recording this podcast because I could feel myself being restored and empowered during the whole process. I also enjoy being open and transparent with my listeners because as champions. When we're real together, we heal together and I'm human. I have suffered from loneliness. And it caused me to enter into new romantic relationships, knowing that I wasn't ready. I've healed from loneliness and shifted into a state of enjoying peaceful solitude I'm alone, but I'm no longer lonely. There is a difference. If you are single, join me in the state of peaceful solitude and we can leave loneliness alone. Okay. I'm now in the process of healing, the essence of who I am before I decide to seek a new romantic relationship, I'm standing strong on my fights and my values. I want to be aligned with someone financially, intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And I know exactly what I want and desire. I'm no longer going with the flow. I'm no longer being likable. I'm only embracing, being truly lovable. I'm empowered to say no, if we are not aligned during my eight to 12 months of healing. I'm allowing my self to focus and gain explicit clarity on the desires of my heart. I I've scheduled a valve silence retreat at an ashram. I'm doing this before my heart opens to my future romantic experience for the first time, I'm excited about being single without feelings of shame. Optimism and faith are so beautiful for me. Reflection three. I can't let this podcast finish without addressing some relationship struggles we may encounter or create. I know some of you are wondering if I'm going to go deep. This is the deepest that I'm going to go with this mind games. Negative assumptions and trust issues without appropriate communication can destroy a great relationship. Be open with trust, often if you start a relationship, tell the person you are innocent until proven guilty, which means you're opening your heart to that person's innocence. And you're not going to find anything wrong with them or search for anything wrong with them, unless they do something to hurt you. That makes them guilty. Set your trust levels immediately set your phone boundaries. Immediately. Cell phones and electronic devices are not going to disappear and they are an intricate part of our relationships. This may be a difficult conversation to have with your current partner or in a new relationship, but it is another necessary conversation. If you have unhealthy trust issues, please listen to session. One of my podcasts healing from trust issues. Our devices. Our our personal property. And when it's been inappropriately searched by someone without permission, it is an extreme violation. However, it is also a violation to manipulate and force someone to allow you to search their device, set your phone boundaries by agreements. Ask, do we share passwords to our devices with each other? Do we share devices openly and freely? What social media boundaries and text message boundaries. Do we say. Are we allowing platonic friendships with our exes? Is it okay to have appropriate conversation with exes? What would be considered inappropriate flirting and how should we address it? If an ex wants to meet alone in public and person? Is this allowed if we both agree or should we never meet an X alone? Do we share our relationship on social media or do we keep our relationship private? Keep in mind that you can create a shared profile together with only close friends and family to update with major information such as travel and special events, don't allow social media presence to determine the reality of your relationship. This can be extremely messy and calls unnecessary arguments to avoid phone device and social media drama. Be open to set the boundaries that are beneficial for your relationship. Find ways to compromise and find balance. I realized there's a whole generation of young people that were born with smartphones and social media. Also know many people suffer from phone addiction. Please don't allow a phone addiction. To ruin what could be a healthy relationship. If your partner has to ask you to put your phone down and you get defensive and mad, you have a problem set boundary set yet such as no phones during dinner, no phones an hour before bed or no phones when we're having a serious discussion, no phones. During date night, this creates healthy communication and healthy phone and device boundaries. One major tip. As it relates to phones, I'm going to help you by saying this I'm going to help someone. Uh, by saying this, if you don't trust your partner and you have evidence that was accidentally revealed to you without searching, and without trying to find evidence on your phone or electronic device, it's already time for you to end the relationship. You don't need any more proof. You don't need to search through a phone to validate what you already know, continuing to search for validation of what you already know is considered over obsessive and will drive you I acknowledge the truth. I trust your intuition and let it go. If your partner violated the boundary you have for what's considered cheating, infidelity, and deception within your relationship, you have two options, option one in the relationship and move on or option to both agree to relationship counseling. If you plan to forgive and make it work, don't lower yourself to the option of getting payback or revenge. It's not worth your energy. You deserve to be better and you don't want to involve hurting other innocent people. So let your next search be a search to find someone loyal, trustworthy, and equally aligned with your fights. Reflection for. A long relationship does not always mean it's a healthy or successful relationship. We have this idea that couples that have been together for over five, 10 or 20 years are the healthiest, most perfect relationships. Sometimes these couples have become great at masking their dysfunction and are really sitting idle or waiting for the children to move out. Okay. Truth is your children are suffering. You all are suffering. They feel your pain. They know their parents. Aren't happy. It's best to part ways let your children heal appropriately. Some long relationships are genuinely healthy and successful, but if you speak with these couples, they will express the amount of work it took to reach the level of growth and success. The beautiful thing about these long-term couples is the level of dedication, respect, and unconditional love. They have achieved growing together. Meeting each other's financial. Emotional, spiritual, all of those knees. Your love languages may change. Your desires may change. Your values may change. It's only fair for you to express these changes with your partner to create the love that you want. Hollywood does not depict the reality of real relationship, love stories. If you have extremely high expectations that your whole relationship will be all glitz and glamour. Perfect and happy, happy ever after, like in romance, movies or romance comedies. This fantasy love is temporary. The honeymoon phase. If you crave this feeling, you'll have a new relationship every few months because after the honeymoon phase is over baby, you will become bored and ready for new love. I've been guilty of this in past relationships, no judgment, but it's not always going to be the reality for a healthy, loving, longterm relationship. Some may want a longterm relationship and some may just want an occasional companion know what you want and don't settle for what someone else wants. Be self-aware of values, vision, lifestyle, and mission. I have enjoyed this session so much with you guys. I'm still learning and growing. I want you all to learn and grow with me being single is not a bad word, embrace it. It can actually be fun. Battle your loneliness. You don't have to continue being lonely. That's just a state of mind. You can actually be happy and peaceful in solitude, taking care of yourself, loving on yourself. And that way, when the right person comes along, you're already in love with self. And then they're. Going to fall in love with you. So be ready, be prepared and focus on your fives and healing. Elevate your mind. Be open to health and wealth. Trust the healing process, sometimes healing hurts, but when completely healed you become a stronger. Wiser and amazing human. That was heavy. Let's relax and breathe. Breathe in love. Breathe out. Love. Breathe in peace. Breathe out peace. Breathe in love. Share love. Now, share this podcast to help someone you love Okay. Understand the five values. Of healthy loving relationships We are champions. We win together. Let's continue to connect. I've done all the talking, but don't forget. I'm also a great listener. So after listening to this session, you can release, respond, reflect, or open up and acknowledge your struggles. Let's start the healing process together. Record your voice. Or record a video and D M at to my Instagram at shy, the healer that's shy. S H Y T H E healer, H E a L E R. All one word. I will try to respond to all voice recordings and videos only, but if you want to write something. Write a review our comment and share this podcast. Champions you can support by clicking the link to donate and support in my podcast notes until then see you next. Healthcare sunday