Session 13: Heal Addiction to Emotional Pain and Victim Mentality

Your Host: Shyra DeJuan is challenging you to be open to change your relationship with pain, change your relationship with trauma

Observe your pain for what it is and not identify with pain as who you are. Learn from it so you won't be drawn to the negative behaviors associated with pain.

Notice your triggers and realign yourself with a positive experience and respond with your mindset of positive solutions instead of wallowing in self pity, worry or victim thoughts.

Create sustainable healthy emotions to feel valued and loved for your happiness instead of your pain.

Create sustainable healthy emotions to feel valued and loved for holding yourself accountable for your actions without blaming someone else.

Create sustainable healthy emotions by controlling your conversations to create solutions to your trauma and not adding to your suffering. 

When you choose to be a champion of your life, you are making a conscious choice to win every day. As champions we are connected on the easy ways to win life’s challenges.

Life is harder when you dedicate it to the bondage of suffering

Life is easier when you dedicate it to the freedom of happiness

Be kind to your life experiences

Start observing your emotions and understand that you have the power to choose a healthy emotion. That's the moment you transform your thoughts, transform your emotions, transform your life by elevating your mind!

Connect with others and yourself with love and peace.

Release yourself from pain and suffering. Listen and Heal! 

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Book: Real Talk For When There’s Nowhere To Go But Up. Black Pain It just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting.  By: Terrie M. Williams
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Transcript

0:03

All smiles, TMP. Champions welcome to mind, elevation health and wealth. I am your host, Shira DeWine, an educator, emotional healer and entrepreneur. Each week, we will dig deep into emotionally healing, all aspects of your life to increase your ability to create prosperity. Mind elevation health and wealth allows you to elevate and shift into a growth mindset. Share each moment with me, I'm giving you permission to fulfill all of the unique desires of your heart judgment free shame-free guilt-free elements to heal your mind and body embrace, unconditional love and keep listening. Healing is health. Health is wealth. You are here on purpose. Session 13. Healing from emotional pain addiction and victim mentality. Listen and listen well champions, whether you have faith in God, faith in the universe or faith in self, it is important to understand that it is possible to be addicted to emotional pain. When a person has suffered years of living in a negative emotional state of mind, this person creates this emotional state as their identity and reality. Let's cover the vocabulary for clarification. Emotional pain addiction. It is an addiction to negative emotions that trigger the reward centers in the brain. And severe cases, you may feel you are rewarding yourself. When you feel negative emotions or pain. One may become unconsciously reliant on distress. The other definition is a victim mentality. Victim mentality is a personality trait, and which a person tends to consider themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others. And to behave as a bad things will always happen to them in every situation. Always believing that anything bad that happens to them is never their fault. Years ago when pharmaceutical sales began commercial advertising for big pharma, everyone would watch the commercials for new drugs, and then everyone thought they had psoriasis, irritable bowel syndrome and rheumatoid arthritis. There was a spike in hypochondriacs people that were overly anxious or always worrying about having an illness. And in severe cases, they will actually start showing symptoms of a life-threatening illness. I stayed this concept to simply show how the brain and our thoughts are so powerful when it comes to psychologically overwhelming yourself with anxiety and stress. I must add that we all may have different levels and how we process our emotional pain. After listening to this podcast. You may have thoughts that you are a suffer of severe emotional pain addiction. When in fact you may not be. So I have listed four different levels of emotional pain addiction level one is a semi normal case of emotional addiction. Level two is a mild case of emotional pain addiction. Level three is a moderate case of emotional pain addiction and level four is a severe case of emotional pain addiction. Depending on the situation, you may find yourself midway between any of these at different times in your life. This session is designed for you to be aware of it and avoid severe cases of emotional pain addiction. The victim mentality signs are signs like blaming your parents for your life trauma, blaming your supervisors for work trauma. Blaming your siblings for some life trauma, blaming your spouse for your marriage trauma, blaming your children for your parenting trauma, or you just kind of have a loss of purpose. So you blame just having a horrible life on just life. Or you might just have a loss of self-worth, which makes you feel like you're a victim to just not having a sense of self worth. Signs that you might be addicted to emotional pain. You may be addicted to constant drama. You may be addicted to sadness, worry, stress, beer, trauma, and doubt. You may constantly want to relive a traumatic incident by constantly talking about it over and over without seeking professional help. You may have feelings of suffering that give you a sense of worth by connecting with others. With trauma, creating trauma bonds. You might create social media attention related to your pain and suffering. You become a victim and all of your life situations because the whole world is against you. Those might be signs of being addicted to emotional pain. I may have missed a few signs, but these will help you grab the concept of how this can negatively affect your ability to heal. Your body and brain gets used to the feelings of pain and suffering and it resorts to craving it or the attention. Relationships stress, family stress and work-related stress. Replaying and ruminating all of the stress. By calling more than three people in your life to repeat the same stressful story. Your brain has gotten used to and craves as energy of repeating your life stressor over and over psychologically east time, you share the incident to a different person. Your brain feeds off the other person's response, starving for validation and purpose from the negative response, the addiction occurs. You feel the pain and depression as a sense of self-worth. The overwhelming thoughts of I'm so hurt. This is so depressing, in a severe case of emotional pain addiction, the brain chemistry picks this negative feeling just as the brain chemistry would pick the feeling for any other type of addiction. The brain will unconsciously be drawn to detrimental situations and a twisted kind of way. This type of person will always expect bad things to happen to them. They will even manifest the worst in situations just to have more sob stories, to tell about their horrible, stressful life. We discussed levels of severity and the signs, but we must also discuss how this addiction to pain and victim mentality can affect people in your life. The negative effects of emotional pain addiction to people in your life is the fact that the stressful emotions and feelings are being transferred to the listener. So if this listener is a close friend, coworkers, strangers, spouse, or family member, each time you have a conversation with this person, you are draining their energy as an energy vampire. If it is a constant conversation in the workplace, you become the Debbie or Donald downer at work people, shoulders drop and their energy change. When you walk into the room, you may not notice the sudden shift in the room energy, because you are overwhelmingly caught up in your negative mindset. You may begin to lose friends. Luiz coworkers. Coworkers may start leaving the room. When you enter the room, some people may just avoid you, avoid your phone calls, avoid attending events with you, because the truth is being around. You may be a life burdening task for other people. Only certain people can handle such intense negative energy. If you aren't sharing your struggles with intent to empower and motivate, to help elevate the minds of others, you are sharing your struggles to continue being a big item of your negative path. All of your conversations relate to your pain, your trauma, people who have done you wrong or mistreated you. Your conversations are always about abusive relationships. Your emotional pain addiction is causing you to stay in an abusive relationship. The abuse and pain becomes your life and your identity, your family and friends have been forced to accept this as your life, because no matter how hard people have tried to help you out of the trauma. You choose to stay. Because you have forced yourself to believe that without this pain in your life, You don't have a significant purpose. Emotional pain addiction, whether it is mild or severe can also cause you to be attracted to the same types of toxic people. Getting out of one bad relationship and going into a new one with a person that has the same behavior, because it's familiar and comfortable to you. The drama, the toxicity is an excitement to you. This could be due to the types of negative environments you are raised in generationally, or it could be the type of pain you connect to an unloving love. Humans are naturally wired through connections with other humans. So it's so easy to become a part of someone else's misery. We unconsciously model people in our lives and we allow their identity. To become our identity. For example, our parents may suffer from high anxiety. So we suffer from high anxiety or once you decide that's who you are, it becomes your reality. You may not even be a person that has high anxiety, but you're relating to and connecting to a parent or loved one that expresses their levels of anxiety. And that just kinda. Just trickles into your reality. Now if you're self-reflecting and you're trying to figure out if this is you, you are the only person that can truly determine your level of severity. You are also the only person that can change the behavior. We all have live trauma that defines our life journey and who we are because of that trauma. We can share those traumatic experiences, if it is specifically to help others heal from it. However, if your life stress and trauma and illness is the basis of every general conversation you have. If you training others due to your daily sadness, if someone asks, how are you and you're always compelled to respond negatively with phrases. Like I guess I'm okay. I've had better days. Just because you want the other person to sincerely ask. Oh, no, what's wrong. What's wrong. What's going on? If you are struggling and you have this strong desire and need. For a woe me. Mentality. Then your brain gets excited to share all the things going wrong. That is a sign. You may be addicted to your emotional pain. You crave comfort words and sympathy from other people to validate your stressful life. You want to be consoled, but you don't really want genuine help because you don't really want to be better. You want to continue being in the emotional pain. You get angry. If someone tries to bring you out of it, you get angry. If someone tells you, just let it go. Just let it go. Get over it. Now some things you don't just let go, you do need proper healing from, but if this is something that you're constantly ruminating on and someone close to you is like, please just let it go. Then it's time for you to let it go. Because misery loves company is misery is the only thing that makes you feel human and real. You are not ready to heal. If you are choosing to be indecisive to procrastinate on purpose, you don't want to make a major decision because you would prefer to stress about making the decision. Those are signs. If you do things like conduct a bunch of research obsessives. So you don't choose to do something or change your behavior. For example. If you are diagnosed with a life altering health issue, and someone tells you a healthy way to lose weight or heal from it. And the sacrifices you have to make to see results and heal. Instead. You will spend hours researching or finding other ways to lose weight or heal to avoid the actual proven results. This will then give you an excuse to just give up on your healthy weight loss, or just let your health issue take over your body. You will remain stuck in the cycle of major health issues that can be detrimental to you and your family, but you will constantly talk about how the health issue was negatively hurting you. And you're refusing to bring yourself out of it. Even with the right help. You have someone to help you. And you choose not to make the right decision to heal properly. Those are signs that you're obsessively. Obsessed and addicted. To your pain. You ignore positive things in your life because you don't want to focus on positive feelings because your brain only processes good feelings. That's just something temporarily in short lived. So you don't focus on anything positive. You want to continue to stay in the negative. I choose to be transparent in each session. I can honestly say at some point in my life journey. I have suffered from mild to severe addiction to pain, Especially when I was struggling with severe depression, I was so caught up in it. It took forever for me to want to get out of it. My conversations were negative. My marriage was negative. My family life was negative. I was in denial about a lot of things. My discussions were always about other people and an attempt to point out other people's mess as it compared to my own mess. I can say that now I'm probably at a level one, which is like normal case of emotional pain addiction. Sometimes I'm at a level one. However, my conversations now with family coworkers, Is usually, always related to creating a better life. This is one of the reasons I created my podcast. I wanted to kind of just focus on how can I help people become better? How can I help people heal allowing my energy to shift from my negative thoughts into more of positive and uplifting thoughts for me and for others in my life. Sometimes at work. I can be a level two or level three, mild to moderate emotional stress, depending on the circle of people I'm talking to about work stress. And depending on. What's going on at work. But I have become stronger at managing my conversations. So I've had mild cases of victim mentality in certain situations, but I have recently set boundaries for myself. We must set healthy boundaries with ourselves just as we learned a mind, elevation health and wealth session to healing from unhealthy boundaries. If you haven't listened to that episode, it's definitely worth the listen. If something bad happens to me in my life, I limit myself Tatel only two people that I trust. If it's something severe. That person would be maybe my therapist. I don't call until four to five people or tell everyone at work. I just tell maybe one really close coworker that I trust. I also set the boundary that if I talk about the negative situation to someone. I also must tell them the honest role. That played in the situation. And I also discussed my positive solutions to healing from the situation and openly accepting their positive comments about the negative situation. I've learned to guide my conversations, to promote a positive discussion, even in the most trying and hard situations, it helps me to avoid pouring additional stress on the person that is my listener, and it helps me share my stress productively. That way the conversation ends with hope and optimism instead of more pain and added stress and trauma. And I don't want to cause that emotional draining. Trauma to the person. That's my listener, That person that I love and that I trust. hey, you. The champion for life changes. I'm challenging you to be open, to understanding that in a world of anxiety, stress, and pain, the beauty about healing addiction to pain and suffering is that now you can transform, you can change your relationship with pain, change your relationship with trauma, observe your pain for what it is, and not identify with the pain as who you are. Learning from it. So you won't be drawn to the negative behaviors associated with pain, understand and acknowledge what the pain is. Don't identify with the pain as who you are. I had to repeat that. Notice your trigger and realign yourself with a positive experience and respond with your mindset of positive solutions. Instead of wallowing in self-pity warring and those victim thoughts. Create sustainable, healthy emotions to feel valued and loved. For your happiness instead of your pain. Create sustainable, healthy emotions to feel valued and love for holding yourself accountable for your actions without blaming someone else. For your actions create sustainable, healthy emotions by controlling your conversations to create solutions to your trauma and not adding to your suffering. When you choose to be a champion of your life, you are making a conscious choice to win every day. As a champion, we are connected on the easy ways to when life challenges. Life is harder when you dedicate it to bondage of suffering. Life is easier when you dedicate it to freedom of happiness. Be kind to your life experiences. You have to be kind to everything that happens into your life to promote self compassion. I start observing your emotions and understand that you have the power to choose a healthy emotion. You don't always have to choose the negative emotion. That's the moment you transform your thoughts, transform your emotions, transform your life. By elevating your mind, connect with others and yourself with love and peace. Release yourself from pain and suffering. As humans with physical pain, like when it happens, when you physically hurt yourself, if we step on a sharp object or glass, it hurts. It causes pain. We pick up the sharp object. So no one else gets hurt. We bandaged the wound and we let it heal. We don't allow ourselves or others to continue stepping on the sharp object. Uh, suffering from the physical pain every day, over and over and talking about the glass that hurt your foot every day and talking about how much pain it caused us year after year and blame the person that dropped the glass without forgiving them. Even though you continue to step on the same piece of glass every day, without picking it up without allowing the wound to heal, you keep allowing yourself to step on that same piece of glass and get that same. Physical pain every day. It sounds insane. Just thinking about physical pain and that level of extreme behavior. Why would we do this to ourselves with emotional pain? It sounds just as troubling. But some of us have allowed ourselves to become addicted to emotional pain and that victim mentality of reliving that pain, that suffering that trauma, that blaming. That hurtful experience over and over and over. instead of allowing yourself to heal from that emotional pain. And move forward and forgive. I do understand that is so hard to let go of some of the pain that we suffered in our past. However I do also understand that I had to. Heal from a lot of negative trauma from my past. And once I was able to let go of that emotional pain and distress, I'm able to be in a happier state of mind. I was able to release it and let it go. So I'm challenging you to do the same. I did not go really deep onto the level of emotional pain and stress that some of us are suffering from. However, I do know that some of you are listening to this and you're thinking. Yes, but this is my pain and I want to hold onto this pain. And it's hard for me to heal from this pain. I know I have a listener that is going through that. However, I have been there. I have struggled with that. And i have healed from that so that is the reason i made this podcast and created this podcast to let you know that it is a possibility for you to naturally heal from that but it starts with you And just naturally. Allow yourself to be free from it. Today is the day you create an acknowledged, some truths about your addictive mindset. Manage those negative triggers and make other smile with excitement. When you walk in the room. Energy shifting for the positive. We have to be open to also evaluating the people and the environments that encourage those negative emotions. How we view emotional pain is so important to our healing process. Learning how to manage your emotional pain allows you to take control of your identity. My name is The wine. And I have been in pain, but I identify as healed. You don't have to identify with being a depressed person. You don't have to identify with being a person with high anxiety. You don't have to identify to being that person that can't do things correctly. You can find relief in knowing. You are not alone. We all suffer from different levels of pain addiction, and we can all be healed. When we are real together. We heal together. Each week. I promote a book and an author that have impacted my life or helped me heal by increasing my knowledge and awareness of experiences outside of my own. And this situation, it would be choosing a kinder life experience, a healthier life experience, a productive life experience. The author Terry M. Williams. I wrote the book, title, real talk for when there's nowhere to go, but up black pain, it just looks like we're not hurting. In this book, Terry describes how emotional pain can uniquely affect people in desperate acts of crime. Violent eating disorder, being a workaholic, shopping, gambling, and sex. The author states, how few realize that these destructive acts are symptoms of our inner sorrow and our inner pain. This book inspires, famous and ordinary people to speak out to mental health professionals to offer real solutions to healing from emotional pain. Finding relief through faith therapy exercise as well as to building a supportive network and eliminating toxic people from our life. This book reminds us and encourages us to face the truth about the issues that plunges our spirits into darkness so that we can step into the healing light. You are not on this ledge alone. You are now a champion for healing and change. If you are like me and you want to make a life change by making grocery shopping easy. I shop using Instacart and I get my groceries delivered in as little as an hour. This comes in handy as I'm making my plant-based recipes. Save yourself that trip to the market. Instacart delivers groceries in as fast as one hour. They connect you with personal shoppers in your area to shop and deliver groceries from your favorite stores. I click on the link in my podcast notes and get free delivery on your first order. Over$35 through Instacart. Champions also remember in order for me to keep this podcast going to continue healing and helping with mental health for mind, elevation, please go to my podcast notes. And click donate and you can donate as little as$1 just to support my podcast. Or you can, give me a five-star rating. Leave me a five star review. if you're using apple podcasts, Please, please, please support. i want to continue to heal and share with you all on this journey Elevate your mind. Be open to health and wealth. Trust the healing process, sometimes healing hurts, but when completely healed you become a stronger. Wiser and amazing human. That was heavy. Let's relax and breathe. Breathe in love. Breathe out. Love. Breathe in peace. Breathe out peace. Breathe in love. Share love. Now, share this podcast to help someone you love I enjoy. interacting with my listeners. Click the support link in the podcast notes to donate and support. See you next self care sunday